Things I Didn't Say
by Lynnlee22
Summary: Hart returns to Springfield to find a familiar face. AU
1. Chapter 1

"What the hell am I doing here?" Hart muttered quietly to himself. The smell of smoke and booze was heavy in the air as he brushed past a "couple" too wrapped up in each other to notice they were blocking the door.

This place, this bar was where it had all began. Where his life had started to go to hell. He took a step towards the side room, half expecting to still see her standing on that damn pool table. His life was at a stand still-why shouldn't everything else be?

He'd asked himself the same questions a thousand times-'Did I really love her?' and 'Was it worth it?' and every single time the answers were the same.

He and Cassie were...complicated, but he did love her-somehow-in a way he couldn't quite explain. Now, as he stood outside of the situation, looking back, he wondered if he loved the idea of the life they could have. The life he wanted with Dinah...the life he thought they would never have.

'Was it worth it?' Hell no.

* * *

"Stop it," she grumbled, pushing his face away from hers. "Don't touch me."

"A lady doesn't come in dressed like that expecting not to be touched," he mumbled, the smell of liquor overwhelming her as he leaned in closer.

She moved away as she felt his hand run up her thigh.

"I said Stop it!" She gritted her teeth, and grabbed for her bag, stumbling a little as she tried to slide off the high bar stool.

"Easy," he whispered. "You're a little unsteady there." He followed her as she headed towards the door. "What kind of guy would I be if I didn't walk you to your car."

She heard the door close behind her and she felt him growing closer. She tried to say something, but his mouth was on hers and her back was against the cold brick wall. Her nails clawed at his face, at his neck, at anything she could touch as she fought for breath and release.

He pulled away for a second, smiling proudly at his accomplishment. "Playing hard to get?"

She was scared now-the bravado gone-the snappy comebacks a thing of the past. Now she just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and cry. Why the hell had she come here?

"Please stop," she whispered her voice breaking through her tears. "I just wanna go home."

"Don't worry princess...no one's waiting at home for you."

She tried to scream, but his hand was pressed hard over her mouth. She felt his other hand pawing her and she heard the sound of her shirt ripping. Her eyes clenched shut-

"Get off of her!" a voice screamed.

Dinah's eyes flew open as she felt the man's hands release her. Her eyes struggled to focus through the tears, but she didn't need to see the face. She'd know that voice anywhere.

Her legs gave out beneath her and she slid down the wall, pulling her knees close to her chest as she sat on the cold concrete.

He hit him again and again and again. The man screamed, but he didn't care-didn't even hear him. All of the anger-for what the man had done, for what Hart's life had become, for what he had lost...all of it...it was all here...for this moment. He would have killed him-probably-had it not been for the soft whisper.

"Hart?"

He stilled, his hands releasing the collar of the man's shirt. He heard his body hit the pavement, and he glanced down, satisfied by the man's groans that he was alive, but not a threat. That voice...

A few steps towards the woman confirmed his suspicions. "Dinah," he said softly, touching her face. He reached into his jacket pocket, pulling a napkin he'd picked up from the bar.

Dinah winced slightly as she felt him touch the cut on her forehead. The red stream of blood seemed to disappear magically when he touched it. He could always heal her.

"We gotta get you to the hospital," he said quietly, forcing himself to focus on the current situation. He couldn't think about how crazy this was. He'd come back to town for his sister's engagement party. It had been an unspoken rule that no one mentioned Dinah...ever. She had long ago left town as far as he knew. What was she doing here? In a place like this? At night? Alone? Without him?

Her eyes fluttered closed as she fought for her breath. "No," she whispered, attempting to gather her purse and stand. Her breath caught again as she felt his arms wrapping around her. The warmth of his embrace made her feel so safe-so loved...so much like it used to be.

"I'm fine," she managed, shaking her head to refocus. "I've got to get home."

"You're hurt," he said quietly, the compassion and caring in his voice making her legs feel weak again. "You need to see a doctor."

"I don't. He didn't do anything. You stopped him." Her eyes locked with his for a second and she was surprised when he didn't look away. "You saved me."

Hart shook his head. "I did what anyone would do."

"No...some guys would have done what he did. Some would have walked right by...but not you. You stopped. You saved me."

'God...had it been six years or six minutes?' As he stood there now, staring into her eyes, it was as if they had never been apart. "What are you doing out here?"

He dropped his gaze almost immediately, the look in her eyes telling him all he needed to know. "Sorry," he whispered. "I know why..."

"She would have been seven today," she said quietly.

* * *

"Yeah," he responded, allowing her to lean against his chest, and letting his head rest on hers. "I know."

Seven years. Time was a funny thing, she thought as she stood in the silence. Neither of them knew quite what to say-and maybe that was part of the problem. Neither of them had said much of anything-even when it happened. Some days it seemed like it had been a century ago, others the pain was as real and as raw as it had been the moment she'd been told she was gone.

She was still so angry. She spent so much time plotting and scheming that she missed the moments-the precious moments, though at the time she didn't realize just how precious they were. In the end, she never got to see her face, never got to hold her tiny body, never even got to tell her how sorry she was and how much she loved her.

The days she'd spent at her grave, talking to the headstone were impossible to measure and yet, they never seemed like enough. She wondered if he ever went-ever thought about going, ever thought about Laura at all.

"I do think about her, you know," he said, his words breaking the heavy silence.

Dinah looked up, for a moment wondering if she'd actually been speaking aloud. But no, she knew she hadn't been. This was just the way he was-the way they were together. He knew what she was thinking even before she did.

"I haven't forgotten her. If that's what you think...I haven't."

She blinked hard, willing herself not to cry. "I never said you had." The walls came up almost immediately-instinctually. This was what she knew how to do.

Hart sighed, sensing the hostility in her voice and recognizing the signs of her shutting down. "Look, just let me take you out of here. We can go get you checked out and if the doctors say you're fine, I'll drive you home."

She walked past him, clutching her purse tightly. "I have my car. I don't need you to drive me. I'll be fine. I said I'm fine and I mean it...I'm fine." Even as she said the words she chastised herself. Why was she doing this? Why was she fighting him? Night after night she'd prayed that she'd have the chance to see him, to talk to him, to say everything she'd always wanted to say, and now here he was and she was, yet again, pushing him away.

He chuckled a bit in spite of himself and stopped immediately as she whirled around, her dark, fiery eyes glaring at him.

"Please tell me what part of this you find remotely funny?"

Stepping closer to her, he extended his hand, hesitantly. "It's not funny..nothing is funny. It's just..." He paused, considering his words carefully. "It's just nice to know that some things haven't changed. You're still as stubborn as hell."

He watched as her shoulders dropped a bit and she allowed him to take her purse and her keys. "Yeah," she said quietly, "So are you."


	2. Chapter 2

The ride to the hospital was unnervingly silent. He had tried to make conversation at first, but even the most trivial conversations were weighted for them-as if every word had some hidden deeper meaning. The Cedars Hospital sign was a welcome sight for them both.

"Hart," Rick Bauer couldn't hide his surprise when he saw him. After the events surrounding his departure, Rick was surprised Hart ever wanted to step foot in Springfield again.

He extended his hand clumsily. "How are things?" he asked, unsure of what protocol dictated in a situation like this.

"Things are..." He didn't even know where to start. He shook his head. "Actually, I could use your help...I ran into Di..."

"Dinah," Rick quickly stepped around Hart to stand in front of her. "What happened here?"

She was embarrassed. She'd been stupid and irresponsible and, had it not been for Hart's intervention, she could gave been a lot worse off. "I was at a bar," she admitted, staring down at the floor. "This guy got the wrong idea...Hart stopped him, but he insisted I come and get checked out." She stopped looking up at a Rick.

"I'll tell you the same thing I told him, I'm fine."

"You let me be the judge of that," Rick said quietly brushing her hair to the side of her face to get a better look at the gash on her head. "Why don't you go get changed in bay 2? I'll have a nurse come and check your vitals in a minute and I'll be right in."

"Rick," she began, sending already that her protests were useless.

"No arguments," he called back.

Dinah sighed as she slid the curtain open to step inside the space.

Hart stood close behind her.

"You don't have to stay," she said quietly, picking up the paper gown and holding it close to her.

"Actually, I kind of do-I drove you here, remember. My car's back at the bar. I figured I'd drop you at home and call a cab from there."

"No," she said quickly...too quickly, she realized, but the look on Hart's face told her he'd already noticed her quick refusal.

"I just mean...I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here." She sighed. "It took me a really long time to get to a place where I'm okay...well-sort of okay. I'm just afraid having you around, even just for a while would be..."

He nodded, her words were honest...sincere-an element he hadn't seen in her in years. This was the side of herself she used to reserve for those very special people-the small group she let into her heart-the people she trusted.

"It's okay," he said softly. "I'll be out here. I just want to make sure you're okay before I go." He waited for her slow nod before heading out into the waiting area.

Dinah closed her eyes, her head feeling heavier than ever as she sank into the pillow. She heard the sound of the curtain as it slid open. "Hart, I told you," she began, her sentence trailing off as she saw Rick standing in front of her.

"Dinah," Rick began his eyes a mix of concern and slight disappointment.

"Don't start," she whispered, feeling the tears begin to burn her eyes again as she turned on her side and flipped away from him. "Trust me, there's nothing you could say to make me feel worse than I already do."

Rick sighed. "Look, you're a grown woman and I'm not here to lecture you, but if you want my opinion..."

"I don't," Dinah snapped before softening her voice. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help and I appreciate it-I really do."

Rick nodded. "He's here you know...that says a lot."

"It says he's a good guy that wouldn't walk past someone that needed help-no matter who it was."

"And that's all it is?" Rick asked, looking at her incredulously.

"That's all it can be-I can't get pulled back into this. My life is finally in a place where I'm standing on my own and I can't take the chance of slipping back there...not now."

"Well, I guess that's it then. I'd say I'd like to keep you overnight, but I know you'd fight me on that, wouldn't you?"

Dinah smiled back at him. "I'm fine Rick, really."

Rick nodded as he turned to step outside. "I'll get your discharge papers ready."

"Rick," Hart said quickly, standing and walking towards him as soon as he saw him emerge from the room. "How is she?"

"I really can't discuss anything with you a Hart, I'm sorry. You're welcome to go in and talk to her if you'd like."

"Come on a Rick-you know me. You know how things were between us. I just want to know if she's ok and I'm not sure if she'd tell me even if she wasn't."

Rick stared at him for a moment. It was true. He had been around for the entire saga. He had seen the good and the bad for the two of them and if there was one thing he knew for sure it was their feelings for each other had been very real and very deep. Maybe feelings like never really went away.

"Go talk to her man" Rick replied softly, laying his hand on his shoulder supportively. "That's really all I can tell you."

"Thanks Mia," Dinah said quietly glancing towards the door. "I'll be home really soon. I have to go." She put the phone back on the cradle as she saw Hart's face in the doorway.

"What are you still doing here? I thought you were gonna go?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay before I left and I was hoping maybe you'd let me drive you home." Hart looked at her. Something wasn't right. It made sense that things would be awkward-that she'd be angry even, but this was something entirely different. She was nervous, jumpy. She'd never been like that with him before.

"I can drive myself. Rick's getting my release papers now."

Hart sighed. "Ok," he relented. "Here's your jacket and I think this is your phone."

Dinah's eyes widened. "Yeah, my phone. It didn't ring did it?"

"Yeah," Hart answered honestly, but I didn't answer it. "I wasn't sure if you wanted me to."

"No...no that's good. I'll take it. I'll handle it from here. Thanks for all your help...really. Thanks." She forced as smile as she watched him reluctantly walk from the room.

She pressed the button the phone, pressing the combination for the lock screen and saying a grateful prayer she hadn't disabled that security feature. The sweet face stared back at her. She'd go home and see her and everything would be ok.

* * *

She eased the door open, stepping inside the room. The soft glow of the butterfly night light proved just enough illumination to show a clear path in the darkness. She pulled the chair up beside the bed, running her hand ever so gently through the soft brown hair that seemed to spill out perfectly on the pillow. God knows she'd made a thousand mistakes, but the sleeping little girl next to her wasn't one of them.

As she thought back now, it had been a mix of fear and joy when she realized she was pregnant. Joy initially because a child was what she wanted more than anything in the world, and Hart's child. It was as if God had heard her prayers of repentance and sent her a token of remembrance-a piece of him to cherish forever.

It was the fear that came next, the overwhelming, gut wrenching fear that kept her up at night. She was a murderer, a fugitive. How could she raise a child like this? She could have no family support, no friends-no one to confide in. She was totally and completely alone. Worse still, she wasn't. She had a beautiful, innocent child to think of and she had no idea how to make any of this work.

Just before she had reached her breaking point, she'd heard the news. Hart was alive. She hadn't killed anyone because no one was dead. With the murder charges dropped, Vanessa has begged her to return to town, but she couldn't. Any judge would look at the situation and take the child from her. She couldn't let that happen.

As she sat here now, watching her daughter's eyelids flutter, she could still barely believe she'd agreed to return now. A beautiful, thriving six year old daughter was the perfect proof that she was a competent, loving mother and the illusive, imaginary father she'd concocted for her had never even been questioned. She, herself, had never had a second though about it either...until tonight.

It might have been the way it felt to be back in his arms again. It might have been the way he softly said her name, but she was fairly certain it was the fact that when she stared into his eyes it was as if she was staring into her daughter's and, for the first time in years, she desperately wanted to tell him the truth.


End file.
